Refleksi 1

Kata-kata....

I want to remind myself and others to take care of our words and action

I still remember when I was a child, I received so many bad words. I mean bad words as in 'dihina', 'direndahkan' & tinggi suara (teguran professional tak termasuk) and I can say almost no 'good words' until I reached 13 years old. 

And during that time, my life changed 180 degree. I received so many compliments due to my academic achievements from form 1 until form 5. But...

I never said this, but tbh I never feel happy about myself despite those achievements. Every time I want to feel 'happy', those 'bad words' will haunt me.

'alah, kau tu semua tak boleh buat'

'kau tak guna'

'bodoh'

'awak ni memang budak bermasalah ye'

'sorry, aku tak boleh kawan dengan kau'

Dan macam-macam lagi...

And because of that, every time I got awards or any achievements, I felt like undeserved and till today, it is very difficult for me to build self-esteem and confidence. Even, I never tell my parents about those achievements cuz I felt like I was not good enough and nothing can be proud of them. I let go most of my presents to my friends. Termasuk duit yang saya terima masa trial SPM huhu...entahlah kenapa.. 

But, i'm lucky cuz today I have my small circle friends being my supporter and listener (Alhamdulillah). Now, still in progress to improve my confidence... ^^

Now it is time for self reflection...

I believe others pun pernah experience benda yg lebih kurang sama kan? So marilah kita jadi yg lebih baik

Tak salah kan kalau kita jadi baik? Jadi the reason behind someone's smile and happiness? Banyak pahala kan?

Macam mana pulak kalau kita jadi penyebab orang tu trauma selama-lamanya? Kita tak rasa bersalah ke? Hidup pun tak tenang kan? Lagi-lagi kita as someone yang sudah pernah rasa pahitnya kata-kata ejekan dan makian tak berasas, bila kena macam tu gila-gila down kan? So janganlah kita buat benda yang sama kat orang lain pulak ya..

Hmm saya pun takut terkeluar those 'bad words' bila stres and marah even though my best friends always said I'm too penyabar hahahaha . So tulis sini as a self reminder ...

Semoga orang ingat yang baik-baik ja tentang kita sampai mati nanti aamiin.